Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Back in action… kind of

The past 2 weeks I have been able to volunteer in the preschool at BCA! Banks Christian Academy that is. It has been so nice to be back in the classroom and be around adorable preschoolers! Since I will be teaching preschool I have really appreciated jumping in and thriving *cough* amidst the chaos.

And of course there is the quote of the day…

Kid 1- Teacher, teacher!!!!! Something smells bad!!!!

Teacher- Well maybe someone forgot to say “excuse me” (manners are important in preschool)

Kid 2 (to himself)- excuse me…

Oh, the joys of bodily functions!

On another note it is nice to be back in Oregon- especially as spring is here. Ed and I snuck away to the beach from some seafood and geocaches.

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Identity

name tag

Earlier today I was able to speak at “church lunch” in Independence. This is a weekly meal for high school students during their lunch hour (or 30 minutes). Usually 140 students trek across the street for a $2 lunch, quick devotional and fellowship. I was able to share the devotional today and here is what I shared:

Today I want to talk to you about identity and how you define yourself. There are many different ways to describe people. Some are in terms of relationships- brother, son, mom, friend, enemy, and mentor. Other definitions are based on characteristics- gentle, hyperactive, nice, angry, laid-back. And still others are based on skills and activities- athlete, student, teacher, garbage man. Every one of us are a combination of all of these: relations, character, and abilities.

The crazy thing about identity is that they change. Sometimes willingly- when I got married, I willingly changed my identity from girlfriend to fiancĂ© to wife. Other ways we change willingly is working on our character. By traveling so much I have gained a flexible attitude by choosing to do so. Sometimes however, identities change without our approval. This recently happened to me and I wasn’t happy about it at all.

Up until 2 months ago I was living in Mali, West Africa and filled my days teaching missionary children in third and fourth grade. I woke up early in the morning, went to school, taught all day, went home and did is all over again. It was something in which I have great satisfaction. I loved the predictability of the school routine. I loved the 100 degree heat and the mix of French, English and gibberish in my class. I felt happy, fulfilled, and knew I was doing what God had asked of me.

Two months ago everything changed. Military leaders took over the stable national government in a coup. It started as a usual Wednesday- my kids were antsy and excited since I had just assigned roles for the spring play and they were looking forward to working on the production. We spent our days learning about inventions, commas and multiplication. Wednesday afternoon I received a text from the embassy notifying us of gunshots in a nearby city- a fairly normal warning but one still to take caution- and so we decided to close school the following day in case things got crazy. I canceled Bible study with the high schoolers that night and we all left school Wednesday afternoon thinking our normal lives would resume on Friday.

About 5 o’clock that night we started hearing multiple bursts of automatic weapons firing in the distance. My husband locked up the house and we continued our evening as normal as we could. At 6 the next morning I woke up and checked the news. Apparently the gunfire was from soldiers successfully completing a coup- and low ranking military leaders have taken over the country. I woke up my husband and we both stormed our computers trying to gather as much information as possible. A 5 day 24 hour curfew was issued- meaning we were locked in the house. We called some friends to let them know we were ok, and waited.

The waiting was the hardest part. We could hear gunshots out our windows. We knew that things were crazy outside. The days passed slowly. The school closed and took an early spring break. Eventually curfews were lifted and we felt safe enough to go to friends houses within walking distances.

A little over a week after the coup we got a phone call from our mission leader suggesting we evacuate the country. Things were too unstable for them to feel comfortable having us stay. That afternoon we met together with parents from the school to decide what we should do. As we met together and prayed it became clear the school could not remain open. Everyone was under a great deal of stress and living day-to-day is not healthy. My husband and I made plans to leave two days later and began to pack our bags.

In this time I was a mess. My life was in Africa and I was being pulled away unwillingly. My heart was taken by my students and I would not see most of them ever again. I was already dreading saying goodbye in June- and now I didn’t even get the chance. My identity as teacher and African missionary were washed out from under my feet. It didn’t make sense why I had to end the school year so early- I was in the middle of everything!

I started grieving. No, nobody died. It wasn’t a loss in that way. Rather, the whole world that I loved disappeared and I felt displaced. I had pride in my teaching. I take joy in living in the “hard places” doing what God has called me to do. I was confused, emotional and numb.

It didn’t stay that way. Slowly I have thawed. Spending time in beautiful Europe reminded me that life doesn’t have to be ugly. Taking time off to process has taught me that grieving is a long journey. And being reminded that God never changes- even if my circumstances do- has allowed me to get through this time.

I realized that during my time in Mali I had built my identity on things of this world- my job, the people I love, and what I take pride in. All of this is temporary. It is good for a time, but it can go away in a flash.

I need to build my identity on Jesus- he is the only one that will never change, even in eternity. Hebrews 13:8 says Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. I am his daughter. I am forgiven because of him. I am alive because of him. When I focus on anything else- even good things, I am setting myself up for failure and heartache. I need to fix my hope, my dreams and most importantly identity on him alone.

Here is what I want to leave you with today. No matter who you are it is not forever. Time goes by, skills increase and decrease, people come and go. Don’t place your faith on things of the earth, rather focus on what is eternal God wants you to be his child and that will never change. Who you are to him will never alter- no matter what you can or cannot do. God alone is never changing.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

A trip to Target

Reverse culture shock hit me hard my first week back. For those that are new to this “travel overseas” game, reverse culture shock is when you find things in your home country confusing, overwhelming or difficult. Usually when one travels overseas there is an expectation of “different”. Food may be strange, buying necessities is not as easy, and figuring out how to say “hello” can take time. Coming back, however, can be just as hard because it is so unexpected.

I went to Target the other day to pick up some shampoo and restock on socks. Usually this is my favorite place to shop. Not sure whether it’s the smell of popcorn as you enter or the bright red colors that scream “this is fun”. Either way Target is my comfort zone.

I had about an hour before I was supposed to meet Ed- a good amount  of time to pick up what I needed as well as browse clearance clothing and furniture.

I walked straight in, shoulders back, feeing confident this was going to be a breeze. I took an immediate left to the women’s clothing and started perusing the clearance section. As a slide over hanger after hanger, I could feel my disposition start to shrink. I had no idea what I was looking for and in no way is $20 is a good clearance price. I remember better deals!

Giving up on clothing I decided to look for shampoo. I have a favorite shampoo here in the States and was looking forward to buying the big bottles to last me all summer. As I headed down towards the health and beauty section I could not find shampoo. I knew I had gone too far when all I was seeing was dog food. I did a 180 and started walking back. Still no shampoo. Another 180 and another until finally it caught my eye. Darn end-cap advertising deodorant distracted me!

I grabbed my bottles, because you have to get conditioner too, and decided to browse again. By this point my thrown back shoulders were officially slumped and I still had half an hour to kill before Ed arrived. I started doing laps.

In the electronics section a worker asked me the typical question of “can I help you find anything?”. Since I wasnt looking for anything, I said no and continued on my lap. As I rounded electronics again- I was asked the same question by the same person. I swear he thought I was lost. or defeated. or both.

I realized I was too overwhelmed to shop. So much stuff that I didn’t need nor did I want to look. I felt like curling up in the aisle in the fetal position and just rock- but remembered that’s not acceptable in North American culture. Instead I stumbled upon the book section and right in front of me was one of Shel Silverstein’s poetry books. I picked it, sat down on the bottom shelf and read. It was my escape- or at least a coping mechanism.

Finally enough time had passed that I could head to the front of the store to meet Ed. I was mentally so overwhelmed that I could have just cried and make a scene. Fortunately I was able to keep it together and I dont think the checker even noticed.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Hello, Oregon!

I have changed the name of our blog for the time being to “from Bamako to Bogota”. We have officially entered our time of transition from Mali to Colombia- and although it came much sooner than we had anticipated, we are grateful for the extra time. Slowly, slowly we are adjusting to our new routine.
I realize that some of my past posts were jumbled thoughts, and considering the situations we were dealing with, it makes sense. Just so everyone is on the same page here is what the past month has looked like:

March 22- Military leaders took over Mali’s government in a coup. Curfews were established and the political scene was extremely volatile. We heard gun shots for the first 2 days, then gradually things became more “normal”. School closed this day.

March 30- The missionary community decided that it was not safe to remain in Bamako and most people started making plans to leave the country- either to home countries or neighboring. We decided to head to a neighboring country in case the school was able to re-open.

April 1- Ed and I and two other missionaries left by truck to the neighboring country to escape possible border closures. During this time Tuareg leaders in the north led several attacks to secure the last of the northern territory.

April 8- Ed and I flew to Paris where we sight saw for a few days.

April 11- We took a train to southern Germany to stay with TeachBeyond member care and rest, debrief and unwind.

April 24- We flew back into Oregon and will be here (more or less) until the end of July when we move to Colombia.

So, what’s Mali like now? Since our departure it has been up and down. A transitional government was established and coup leaders seemed willing to cooperate. Yesterday however, the violence arose and many anti-coup attacks took place. The airport has been closed again for a week. There have been gun shots heard around the city and it seems even more violent than when the coup first took place. I can whole-heartedly sigh “I am glad we left!”.

It is hard though. I mourn for the country that was once stable. I pray for the people still in country and the fear and anxiety situations like this can have. And I rejoice that through all of this God is still in control, let his people be strong and worship him!